Jennifer Hoffman: Why Am I So Unhappy With my Life and Does it Get Better? Aug 1, 2013

Dear Jennifer:  It seems like years have slipped away in my life, having been busy with a relationship and healing but now I am finished with all of that, want to go out and have fun but I have two problems, I have no idea what is even fun anymore and I have no friends to have fun with. I know I should do classes or go to events, but I really don’t feel like it as I have no motivation.  I also know that I should try to make friends any way I can, but I also don’t feel like doing that either because I know I am moving from here soon, so what is the point? Also I just don’t like people in my area.  Most people are not even close to my age and overall the people here are so different than me.  I’m not inspired by any of them and they are all not doing anything exciting with their lives.

On top of that, I guess I have a third problem and that is I have to be conscious of my money since I am in transition with my career and at this time don’t have expendable income. So what should I do?  I know this is a bad cycle I’m in and I find myself restless, bored and then just sad during the days and into the evenings.  I waste away staring at the walls or the TV.
Jennifer’s Answer: You definitely have a case of not liking your life. The first thing I noticed about your question was how many times you said ‘I know I should’ to describe the things you don’t do. Then you talk about how much you don’t like people in your area and how you don’t fit in. And you have no money because you are in transition. Can you see how your entire life is in transition and how your belief that you have no control over any aspect of it is keeping you stuck?
If you would shift your beliefs a little bit, you would find that you could find things to do in your area that you enjoy doing, you would make friends and your money situation would improve. First you have to consider why you are viewing everything as things you ‘should be doing’. Who said that to you? I think what you are doing now is asserting your authority by not doing anything and then wondering why you are so sad and alone. Why not choose to do things like going to classes and events, making friends, finding like-minded people and having fun because you want to. Make an appointment with yourself to do something fun at least once a week, whatever that means to you. Be open to making friends and see everything in your life as a choice, instead of as an obligation.
You’re being passive aggressive here and I believe it is from not being able to make choices for yourself when you were younger, and being forced to do things you did not want to do. So now, when you can do what you want, you are deciding to do nothing. And that is fine, as long as you acknowledge that this is what you are choosing to do and not blaming it on others, your area or the people in it. You are limiting your own life for reasons you  may not understand or be aware of, but you are still in control of your life.
When you decide that you are going to be in joy and enjoy every moment of your life, no matter what is going on around you, you will find joy wherever you are. Begin now, you want to be happy so allow yourself to do that and you will find exactly what you want where you are, and doorways will open for you too, that will allow you to transition to where you want to go next.
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