Have you ever wanted to do
something but were paralyzed by your fears? Have you ever been angry
with yourself for missing an opportunity, not taking action, and
ignoring your dreams, once again? Do you wish you could get rid of your
fear so you could be happy? There is a way to do this and it doesn’t
require you to take big leaps of faith, pretend you’re brave (when you
are not), take up skydiving or camping, or do anything that takes you
way out of your comfort zone. It is three steps that start with fear
because fear is the foundation for creating happiness.
Here are the three steps and you’ll see how they fit together:
Step 1. Admit that you’re afraid and know what you’re really afraid of. It doesn’t do any good to pretend you’re not afraid, that just creates more confusion. Even if you have a lot of fears, they have a common connection that could be a fear of criticism, judgment, loneliness, betrayal, persecution, ridicule, failure, or too much success. Know the fear and then you set the foundation for Step 2.
Step 2. Determine your ‘happiness reward’, so there is value in being happy, and it is greater than the value of your fear. The fear that paralyzes you serves a purpose, it protects you from doing what you’re really afraid of. You won’t take action when you’re afraid, so the value of being happy must include a meaningful, valuable reward. When you can see being happy as a reward and an alternative to being afraid, you’re ready for Step 3.
Step 3. Recognize your resistance and align it with your outcomes. We use phrases like “I could do this but then this other thing would happen, so I won’t go there.” These are but/so statements and they are very powerful because they show us where we resist. If we follow them with an action statement we acknowledge the fear and resistance, and our willingness to take action anyway. It sounds like this: “I could start dating but then I might meet someone like my ex so I will stay home and watch movies by myself. Since I do want a relationship, I will take my chances and start meeting new people.”
Ignoring our fears serves no purpose, but staying in them doesn’t help us either, that just perpetuates the paralysis and drives us deeper into despair, inaction, confusion. It’s OK to be afraid, everyone is afraid of something, it isn’t useful to use our fears to avoid joy, happiness, and taking action. What is your reward for allowing happiness into your life? Make it big and appealing, important, and meaningful and use your fears as a stepping stone to understanding the core thing you’re afraid of and you won’t have to be afraid any more. Then you can start letting some joy in your life, feel better about yourself, create a happiness reward that is meaningful and fulfilling, and add happiness to your life intentions.
Here are the three steps and you’ll see how they fit together:
Step 1. Admit that you’re afraid and know what you’re really afraid of. It doesn’t do any good to pretend you’re not afraid, that just creates more confusion. Even if you have a lot of fears, they have a common connection that could be a fear of criticism, judgment, loneliness, betrayal, persecution, ridicule, failure, or too much success. Know the fear and then you set the foundation for Step 2.
Step 2. Determine your ‘happiness reward’, so there is value in being happy, and it is greater than the value of your fear. The fear that paralyzes you serves a purpose, it protects you from doing what you’re really afraid of. You won’t take action when you’re afraid, so the value of being happy must include a meaningful, valuable reward. When you can see being happy as a reward and an alternative to being afraid, you’re ready for Step 3.
Step 3. Recognize your resistance and align it with your outcomes. We use phrases like “I could do this but then this other thing would happen, so I won’t go there.” These are but/so statements and they are very powerful because they show us where we resist. If we follow them with an action statement we acknowledge the fear and resistance, and our willingness to take action anyway. It sounds like this: “I could start dating but then I might meet someone like my ex so I will stay home and watch movies by myself. Since I do want a relationship, I will take my chances and start meeting new people.”
Ignoring our fears serves no purpose, but staying in them doesn’t help us either, that just perpetuates the paralysis and drives us deeper into despair, inaction, confusion. It’s OK to be afraid, everyone is afraid of something, it isn’t useful to use our fears to avoid joy, happiness, and taking action. What is your reward for allowing happiness into your life? Make it big and appealing, important, and meaningful and use your fears as a stepping stone to understanding the core thing you’re afraid of and you won’t have to be afraid any more. Then you can start letting some joy in your life, feel better about yourself, create a happiness reward that is meaningful and fulfilling, and add happiness to your life intentions.
Copyright (c) 2015
by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved. You may quote, translate,
reprint or refer to this message if you mention the author name and
include a working link to http://enlighteninglife.com
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