Fear is a word that we use many different ways, as a noun, a verb, an adjective, and a modifier in how we speak and in how we live. But as you have heard me say often, fear is not a thing. We do not fear ‘fear’, we fear consequences. And those consequences are very real – these things have happened to us but they do not have to keep happening to us and that is why learning to leverage fear is so important now. We can use our fears as stepping stones to greater potential when we learn the value of resistance and the true nature and potential of our fears. Have you ever been afraid of something that you just cannot explain? Do you find yourself making excuses or making allowances for your fears automatically? Not sure what I am talking about? Here is an example – my fear of the cold in the podcast
Is there something you deliberately avoid for reasons you cannot explain? Do you avoid going near water because you’re afraid of drowning? Here is a somewhat funny but true way this manifests – story of mom and flash floods
Here’s another way fear manifests – as anger you cannot explain or control. Does something ‘set you off’ and drive you ‘round the bend’ in ways that can sometimes embarrass you or make you wonder how you could react that way? I have quite a few examples of that with my clients, listen to the podcast for some examples
So what is going on here? Why are fears so important if everyone tells us they are limiters, we need to get over them, ignore them, pretend they don’t exist, make them the responsibility of the ego, release them, and move on anyway?
Fears represent consequences from the past, whether we remember them or not. Fears are how we warn ourselves of upcoming dangerous situations that put our well being at risk.
Fears remind us that we need to be cautious, reconsider, reorganize, reframe a situation, or retreat.
Fears are not bad when used as a lever to lift us out of pain and suffering. But we misunderstand, underestimate, and misuse our fears so they become our controlling influences instead of a stepping stone on our path.
There are two kinds of fears – those we are aware of and the deeper, darker, more dense and hidden fears that we are completely unaware of but that actually have more power over us. Remember my story about my fear of the cold? It is something I am always aware of and make allowances for, even in the heat of summer. I am never without a jacket or wrap. Who knows, I could get stuck in a freak snowstorm in the middle of July. I don’t hide from my fears, diminish their importance, or downplay them, so I carry a sweater with me or in my car.
The fears we are aware of are known to us because of something that happened in this lifetime. For example, we are afraid of creepy crawly bugs like spiders – it’s a natural fear. We are also afraid of icy roads if we have ever had an accident. Or of burning ourselves with a hot item if we have ever done that before. Listen to the podcast for my frying pan handle story.
We fear being hurt in a relationship if someone has ever betrayed, rejected, or abandoned us. We fear not being loved if the people we wanted to love us did not do that (depending on how we define love).
These are experiential fears. What about the other deep, darker fears? These are energetic fears – the ones that have left their energy trauma mark on us, a lasting reminder of actions that lead to dreadful, serious, life changing or ending consequences.
Do you have a fear of standing out in a crowd? Could that be from something that once happened to us whose energy echoes still resonate in our energy field?
Have you ever hesitated before stating your truth, no matter how unjustly or unfairly you were being treated? Could that be an energy echo of retaliation?
Do you feel that you are treated unfairly by others and you do not know why? Is that from an energy echo of persecution?
These fears on their own just make us scared, confused, and hesitant because we think we should just ‘get over it’ and are ashamed of our fears. Let’s give them a little more respect that that.
We need to give our fears some respect because they represent energy spaces that need more time, attention, and care. When we ignore, hide, or shame ourselves for them, they just get more powerful and create deeper, longer, stronger roots.
Whenever we attempt a transformation – whether we do it voluntarily or we’re pushed into it, our fears rise to the surface. The more obvious fears arise first – fears of being alone, secure, safe, and of life changes. The deeper fears come next – abandonment, betrayal, persecution, retaliation, shame at what happened, feeling guilty for letting others down, and worse. But these are the fears that hold us back, that prevent us from gaining the confidence we need to move boldly into a new potential and a new future.
Then there are the consequences which is what we are really afraid of. We do not fear ‘fear’, fear is not a thing. Yes we use it to describe many kinds of physical, mental, and emotional states but it is not a thing. If you tell someone ‘I am afraid’ they are going to ask you ‘what are you afraid of’. What we fear are consequences, the things that happen when what inspires our fears becomes part of our reality.
So we have to learn to leverage our fears, to limit the losses (or what we think are losses) and to tame the trauma from our fears so we don’t let them run our lives as they do if we do not give them the care, attention, and respect they deserve.
How do we leverage our fears? We look at what we’re resisting and realize that there is a lesson in the resistance. Then we can start asking important questions like:
Am I ready for this now?
Is this something I really want to do?
Am I doing this for me or for someone else?
Is there another option for me?
What am I really afraid of?
We see loss when we feel rejected or abandoned or we are not getting what we want from someone. But we stop at the fear and do not explore the consequences. Our most important word in these situations is ‘because’. Adding because to the ‘I am afraid’ statement allows to explore the consequences, honor our resistance, and decide on our next steps.
Otherwise the losses toss us into an abyss of fear cycles, stagnation, and procrastination. Why do we procrastinate? Procrastination is not a sign of laziness or a lack of motivation. We procrastinate because there are consequences to our actions that our fears hold the secret to.
Transforming the trauma is just that, turning trauma into a new avenue of potential rather than a roundabout of fear and consequences. I remember my first time driving in a roundabout (or traffic circle). I kept missing my exit and having to go all the way around again. It was on a busy road in Paris and to make things more complicated, cars kept entering the roundabout and cutting me off just as I was trying to get into the lane to take my exit. The only way I managed it, after the 4th time around, was to lay on my horn and keep on moving forward until I could get into the lane I needed to be in. Get my book From Victim to Victor on Amazon in print & kindle at this link.
Trauma is real and demands respect but it doesn’t require our absolute devotion and at some point we need to stop allowing ourselves to be tamed into submission by our trauma. I know this is a tough part of the ascension journey and I have worked with many clients through deep trauma and done my own trauma work. It demands commitment, determination, and an ability to override the fears and consequences and move forward. But it can be done.
Fear is there to remind us that ‘something happened’ once upon a time. Fear holds us in the past to keep us safe and protected, secure in our comfort zone. Fear holds us back using safety and security as its argument and we often agree because the alternative to staying within the limitations and boundaries of our fear is to face the terrible uncertainty of the consequences we already know exist. Your reason for your fear may not be known but you are very familiar with the consequences. They are revealed when you say “I am afraid because…. This is what holds us back and what we must leverage, limit, and transform to move forward.
But while our fears are real and consequences can happen again there are other options and those are what will free us from fear and allow us to leverage our fear into a new reality with new potentials and empowerment. But first we have to give our fears the respect and attention they deserve. We don’t need to shame ourselves because we are afraid or let others use our fear to manipulate us emotionally with guilt.
We can use the power over our fears to limit the losses and then transform the trauma. We will never be ‘fear free’, fear is an important warning sign that we need in our lives but we can limit its role and control in our lives and use fear as a tool instead of being tooled by it. When we master our fears we are energetically whole and energetically sovereign and use our fears wisely and masterfully, knowing that fear reminds us that every path is not ours to follow and we need to engage in self awareness and self care, using our energy for our highest good and rejecting those things that are not aligned with our intention, energetic congruence, soul mission, and life purpose.
What we resist represents a transformation we are not ready for. Honor the resistance by allowing your hidden fears to rise to the surface. We all have two kinds of fears – the ones we are aware of and the much deeper ones we don’t know are there but they are the ones which are running the show.
It is only by giving these deeper fears a chance to rise that we discover what is really holding us back. And the only way for them to rise is to stretch beyond our comfort zone, to take a bigger leap into a new potential than we think we are ready for.
The emotional and energetic fallout is your deeper fears rising to the surface to remind you of the terrible potential consequences of your actions. This is what you need to know to achieve real freedom and the release from the bondage of the past into the new horizons of joy.
Shine on and light up those fears so you can get a good look at them. We can’t transform what we cannot see and cannot change what we do not understand.
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