Online Book
THROUGH THE MATRIX
THROUGH THE MATRIX
CHAPTER NINE
Unconditional
Love
My
journey began with a strange sensation that I was moving, no it was more like
dancing, within an invisible energy field.
At least, I think it was an energy field because I felt engulfed by a
feeling which was much like warm air. However, this “air” was constantly moving
and swirling around me.
Sometimes
the energy field of this new kind of air appeared to be loving and guiding me. And
then, suddenly, the sensation of this “air” would completely disappear that I
thought that I was just imagining it. “
“Of
course you are imagining it! After all, imagination is fifth dimensional
thought,” whispered an unseen voice.
“Who
are you?” I cried, not bothering to attend to the important message I had just
received.
“If
you don’t listen to what I am saying to you,” spoke the unseen voice, “I will
leave you alone here.”
“Wait,
wait,” I cried. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t know where I am. Therefore, how
could get back?”
“Back
where?” said the voice in a very impatient manner.
“Please,
Mr., or is it Mrs., Voice, I cannot see you, so I don’t know who you are.”
“Why
would think that you should see me, or that somehow, I could take you back to
wherever it is you want to return to?” said the Voice in a rather rude and
unpleasant voice.
“Well,”
said the voice, “What do you expect. You summon me in my most sacred NOW, and
then you complain that you can’t see me. No one can see me, including myself. I
am a voice. Why do I need a body?”
“I
am so sorry dear Voice. I did not want to insult you or bother you in any way.
It is just that I have newly arrived here from another world, and I don’t know
the rules of your reality.”
“Rules?”
questioned the Voice. “What are “rules?”
We do not have that term, and likely we do not have that concept in our
world. But, I am not sure, as I do not know the term “rules.”
“Dear
Voice,” I said as calmly and politely as I could, “I also do not know about
your world. I come from what they call the ‘physical world.’ In my world we are
all ruled by time, space, separation, and individuality.”
“What
is ‘individuality?” questioned Voice. “In my world we sometimes talk about the
‘ancient times’ when there was time and space which created an illusion of
separation. Therefore, some ‘times’ we could perceive that there was ‘space’
in-between our form and the form of other life-forms. However, we have never
heard of the term, ‘individuality.’ Can you tell me what that term means?”
It
was about then that I started to grow impatient with this conversation. How
could I communicate with a being that did not have a sense of individuality?
How could this being even know who was who?
“Well,”
said the Voice in a voice that made me realize that I had somehow insulted it.
“we know who is who because we can feel, see and hear their energy field and
thoughts. Do you realize how difficult it is for me to talk with you in
separate words that need to somehow we strung in a line, which you call a
sentence?”
“Oh,
please forgive me,” I said. “I am not accustomed to your world, and I think I
got frightened by something that was so different from what I know. Then, in my
fear, I think I sounded impatient and rude. Yes, I was impatient, but not with
you.”
“Well,
we are the only ones here. Are you saying that you became impatient with your
self?”
“Yes,
dear Voice, I was, and still am, impatient with my self. In fact, I cannot
remember a time in my life when I did not feel impatient with my inability to
understand so much of what I perceived. You see, dear Voice, I am very different
from everyone in my world, except for my Spiritual Mentor, Shalone.
“And
now Shalone has left me, and I am so very confused and lonely. Why am I so
different from everyone else? Why can’t I just be like everyone else?”
“Oh,
dear Shara Lynn, it would be a great disservice to you, and to your Village, if
you were to diminish your self to be like the others.”
“Wait,
wait!” I cried out rudely. “How do you know my name, and what do you know about
my Village?”
“Dear
Shara Lynn,” the Voice said with utmost patience and kindness. “There is a
great deal that I know about you and about your Village. I have been assigned
to assist you because your former mentor, Shalone, has been called to another
important duty.”
I
was so pleased to know that I had a new, very kind and patient mentor, that I
started to cry. I realize now that I was really crying, as I knew that I would
likely not see Shalone again, but perhaps this kind being would assist me.
“Dear
Shara Lynn,” said the Voice. “I am known in my world by a name that you could
not pronounce. Therefore, please call me by a name that brings you comfort and
confidence, as I am assigned to assist you on the next portion of your
journey.”
I
was so overwhelmed that I began to cry again. I cried because of the loss of Shalone
in my life. I cried for the gratitude that I felt for all Shalone had done for
me, and I cried because I knew that my childhood was over.
And,
I cried because I was afraid that I would not be able to live up to the great
opportunity that was now being offered to me. My tears fell down my face, and I
became embarrassed by my sadness. Suddenly, I felt a warm, comforting energy
surround me. However, when I finally wiped my eyes clear of tears, the Voice
was not touching me.
“How
can that be?” I thought.
“Unconditional
Love has no distance, as it resonates beyond space and time.”
“Does
that mean that you love me unconditionally,” I asked.
When
that same warm, comforting energy surrounded me again, I knew my answer.
ENTRY FROM LISA
Lisa here. It took me 34 pages before I
found the courage to really engage myself with this amazing story, not the
mention finding my own courage in the manner as this courageous young girl.
I
feel bad writing in this journal, but where else do I feel that I can be so
honest with my self. Reading about the courage of the young girl called Shara
Lynn has made me realize that I too was quite a courage child and teen. How,
and where, did I loose that courage?
Perhaps if I continue reading, I will find a
way to find my courage. Or, maybe I can find some unconditional love—whatever
that means.
Lisa
CHAPTER TEN
Unconditional
Love in Action
I
was quite surprised to realize that Unconditional Love is a feeling. But, at
least for me, the “feeling” of Unconditional Love does not really come from
what people give to me. Instead, Unconditional Love arises from what I give to
others. Also, these “others” are not necessarily humans.
The
power of Unconditional Love, once given away, will heal and protect a person. But
it will also protect and fulfill the one who gave that Unconditional Love to
another. I also realized that Unconditional Love is not only about person to
person. In fact, it is actually easier to remember to give Unconditional Love
to an animal, a garden, a tree, or a cloud.
Unconditional
Love is a gift to be given to any, and all, parts of our life that have
nurtured and educated us. Maybe I do not understand Unconditional Love because
I have never given my self unconditional love.
I
think that, maybe, I have to understand myself first. However, lately it seems
that I have not been able to find enough “solid ground” in my life to take on
the challenge of understanding, accepting and giving unconditional love.
I
think the reason for this is because I cannot remember anyone who has given me
“unconditional” love, except Shalone. With all the other people I know, either they
love me if I do something for them, or the ignore me if I don’t do something
for them.
I always
believed that that happens to me because I am always engaging with, and loving,
non-human beings. I think I love humans, but it seems that my love with humans
is often conditional. “They will love me if I love them… But, they will not love me, if you don’t love them. It is all very confusing for
me.
However,
when I am with Nature, with no other humans, I feel love all around me. I know
that I love all the beings of Nature, and I can feel, not a human love, but a
sense of being loved by the Nature that surrounds me.
Shalone,
always told me that that was my blessing and my curse. I never knew what that
meant, and she never told me.
OH,
I do soooo miss Shalone. “Why did she leave me, and when will she come back?”
I
cried up to the sky. But the sky was silent, as were the trees, flowers and all
of Nature.
What
is going on? I have never experienced Nature as being so quiet.
“Please,
please, answer me!” I cried out into the woods and up into the sky. But the
woods and the sky were silent.
Perhaps
I need to go back out into Nature in order to speak to them. Yes, yes, that is
it. I will pack a basket of food for myself, as well as some “goodies” for
whatever creatures I meet, and have a “discussion” with Mother Nature. Yes, I
can love Mother Nature unconditionally. I can love Her when it is raining,
sunny, hot, cold, on the planes, the ponds and in the forest.
“Yes,
I do so love Mother Nature!” I said to myself as I packed my bag. “Yes, I will
wrap up my sleeping blanket and take that too. I may be gone for days.” I wrote
out a quick note for my family telling them I have gone back into the woods,
just to make sure they did not worry about me.
However,
I have never had the experience of my family worrying about me. For a minute I
wondered if that was because they did not really love me. But I decided instead
to love them Unconditionally and be grateful for the freedom and loving
acceptance that they always had for me—I think??
I
mean, I think they love me, but it was never the way that Shalone loved me, or
even the manner in which Nature seems to love me. “Why am I so different?” I
cried out into the sky. Then, when I opened the door, with my pack on my back,
and saw the glory of Nature awaiting me.
It was then that I
began to understand Unconditional Love.
When
I say that I began to understand it, I mean that I accepted that Unconditional
Love is not something to understand or even accept. Unconditional love is what
we have come to GIVE AWAY.
I
decided then, that as I walked out into the woods this time, I would make sure
to give away my Unconditional Love to every living thing that I encountered.
I
slipped out the back door of our small cabin so no one would see me leaving
with so much food and sleeping gear. I think it was about then that I began to
wonder if that was an unconditionally loving act.
Why
did I need to slip out like a “thief in the night?” Why didn’t I tell anyone
where I was going and when I would be back.
Then,
suddenly, a wave of overwhelming sadness came over me. “No one cares!” I heard
screaming in my head. “I want to go out into Nature because NO people care
about me,” I said with a loud voice filled with sorrow and anger.
“Do
you ever give them a chance to love you?” I heard in my head.
“Shalone,
Shalone, is that you?” I cried up through the roof our small home. When there
was NO answer, I grabbed my bags, left the house, left the Village via my
“private path,” and said, “OK no one loves me here, so I’m leaving!”
As I
marched off into the forest, I felt tears of anger rolling down my face. I
ignored them and walked faster. Then my nose began to run along with the
growing amount of tears. I wiped by nose with the sleeve of my shirt and walked
faster. However, I could not walk fast enough to leave behind my sorrow, or was
it self-pity.
Fortunately,
as I walked deeper and deeper into the forest, the calm breeze dried my tears,
the birds chattered louder as I walked past them, and my baby deer friend ran
from its mother to receive my love.
As I
hugged the baby dear, and saw that it’s mother deer trusted me with her
offspring, I began to calm my mind. The baby deer licked my face, then ran back
to it’s mother.
Then
a huge Blue Jay landed on a limb just above my head and shared it’s bird song
with me. The Sun shown brighter through the trees, and the many insects bused
around me looking for food.
“Yes,”
I said out loud, “This place, these trees, these birds, these animals ALL live
by “unconditional love!”
They
all love me unconditionally. I know, I feel that they do not come to me just
for food, but for the affection that I always gave them. They perch above me, find
the closest limb to my head, beside me, or relax close by to me. It was then
that I realized that I had no idea where I was.
I was
in such a state when I ran from the house with my heavy pack, that I paid NO
attention at all to where I was going. But, that is not quite correct. My mind
did not go where I was going because my thoughts were too negative and
distracting.
However,
my heart knew just where I needed to be. I needed to be surrounded by
Unconditional Love. Then, perhaps, I could learn, or remember, how to
unconditionally love my self.
ENTRY FROM LISA
My tears have fallen on the transcript, so I
have carefully, and lovingly, used my skirt to gently wipe them from the page.
Can I wipe my sadness away from my heart as simply as I have wiped my tears
from this page?