THROUGH THE MATRIX
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
What do you mean by “My Earth life?”
I now realized that my desperate need to have Shalone in my life was why she had to leave me. I was using my need to be with Shalone as an excuse for remaining a dependent child. Now it was my time to grow up, whether I thought I was ready or not.
It is difficult for me to understand, much less describe, how I was feeling. But now I realize that I was frightened. How did I end up in this strange world? Would I ever see my family and friends again? And the most disconcerting question was, “Was I awake or asleep?”
Instantly, I heard Shalone inside my heart/mind saying, “Enjoy your adventure. You will look back at this NOW with love and happiness for the rest of your life. However, dear, I am being sent off on an assignment, and I will not be in your Earth life at all for many of your years.”
“What do you mean by, ‘my Earth life’ and why can’t I be with you for many years?”
I waited for an answer from Shalone. In fact, I waited and waited and waited. I am not sure how long I waited. But I do remember that one day I woke up, and I forgot to think about her at all for an entire day. That was a record.
I then knew that I couldlive without her. I also realized that if I loved her as much as I thought, why would I want to be sad about loosing her, when she was going to be happy in a wonderful place. I am not sure howI knew she had gone to a wonderful place, but I just knew.
That was the day that I decided it was time for me to make another journey into the woods, but this time it would be to search for the Matrix. I don’t know why I suddenly felt a need to “find the Matrix.” In fact, I was not even sure what a Matrix was. But, I knew that it was my mission to find it, and that when I found the Matrix, I would find something out about my SELF.
I had never totally felt like I fit in, and I always felt on the outside, and looking into a world that was not quite mine. My Grandmother raised me, but my Mother had always been a mystery to me. When I grew older, especially just before this adventure, I found my self asking people about my Mother.
At first I didn’t notice it, but over time I realized that everyone told me almost the exact story. It was as if the whole Village had made some kind of pact that they would not really tell me about my Mother.
I would ask people about her and they all said the same thing, like it was a script. Finally, I gave up. I would just have to be patient. Eventually, I would find out for myself.
Of course, everyone’s odd behavior when I asked about my Mother made me even more curious. Also, when my “Grandmother passed over to the other side, I was very lonely. Would I need to find a way to be friends with other human children?
Wait, wait! Why did I say “human children?” Does that mean that on some level I know that I am NOT a human child?
“You are NOT a child at all any more!” my Higher SELF said into my consciousness. In fact, my Higher SELF had been talking to me more and more after I returned from my adventure while I was in the woods.
There, I finally said it! Some unseen Higher Being had been talking to me. I was so concerned that others would find out, that I tried to even hide that fact from myself. Does that mean that I have finally accepted that that was why I seemed to be so different from everyone I know?
In fact, I have been having this very strange feeling about “time” and “sequences.” I guess because “time” seems to be something different to me than it does to others. But then again, I feel different from everyone in the Village.
Maybe I was “running away” when I first went into the woods. However, now that I have been in the woods so many times, and had so many conversation with Nature Beings, the woods feel more like my real home. In fact, when I left my village to run into the woods, I was NOT running away from home, but running to my realhome.
Now, nothing is the same. The woods are my only family. My real family is the trees, ponds, flowers, birds, deer and all the Nature Beings. Why do I feel more like a Nature Being than a Human Being?
With that thought, I suddenly felt very tired, so I decided to go to my spot between the tree and the big, warm rock. To my surprise I saw many bits of food. Somehow I just knew that the birds had gotten the food from the village and had left it here for me.
Just as I was thinking I was crazy I saw two Blue Jays bringing me a sandwich, that had obviously been taken from a human who had not been watching.
“Thank you dear Jay!” I cried up into the nearby tree where it was perching. I ate the sandwich quickly, as I was as tired as I was hungry. As soon as I finished the sandwich, I pulled the leaved over me and snuggled against the warm rock. It felt as if the great tree beside me was glad to see me back. But, I am sure if that is just my imagination.
I woke up the next morning, stretched out my body and thought, “I will need to finish this adventure before the cold comes, but for now, the tree offers a wonderful bed. Then I was sure I hears someone say “Thank You.” I looked all around, but found NO humans were around. But who said Thank You?
Of course, it was the friendly tree. I stood up again to give the tree a big hug to thank it for my shelter. I was just wondering where a, hopefully, warmer stream was when a lovely Fawn walked right up to me and licked my face. It then turned and walked slowly deeper into the woods.
Of course I followed. It was while the Fawn and I were walking through the woods that I realized that I was NOT alone. All the nature beings were taking care of me, and everything I needed seemed to appear at the exact moment that I thought of it.
It was then that I hear Shalone’s voice saying again, “Enjoy your adventure.”
“Yes, dear Shalone,” I spoke up to the Sun. “I will. In fact, I amenjoying my adventure very much!”