Betraying Ourselves No More
Sarah Varcas
Image: “Breaking Out of My Shell” by Gary Rosenberg
In Sagittarius, Saturn requires a broader view of our lives, beyond our personal present. It helps us identify connections between apparently random experiences and reveals how past decisions, attitudes and behaviours have painted the picture that is our life today. If we find ourselves frustrated or struggling against opposing forces that seem set upon our demise, it suggests we seek their genesis within and consider how well or not we have previously honoured the mystery of life. To what extent have we ignored a greater intelligence which invites us into alignment, or sought to control rather than allow life’s unfolding? In Saturn’s world a mere shift of perspective doesn’t change the past or arrest the force of its influence upon the present. It demands, instead, that we acknowledge and take responsibility for all we have been and all we have done, welcoming their current ripples of consequence as great teachers bestowing precious wisdom.
We must now face without guile the impact of who we once were. In embodying the wisdom born of doing so we can live with an open and enquiring mind, a faithful heart and a willingness to honour difficult truths. Saturn retrograde offers an opportunity to process the experiences and insights since its arrival in Sagittarius in September 2015. Cast your mind back and reflect upon all that has happened since then: changes welcome and otherwise, shocks and surprises, the new that arrived, the old that left and those things which seem forever intransigent! Saturn speaks most deeply about the latter now, revealing why we struggle to change unhelpful habits, get a grip of negative behaviours or marshal our inner resources in a constructive way. In doing so it reveals exactly what we must sacrifice to be free; where we bind our self to a comfortable status quo that keeps us safe. Numb and stagnant, but safe nonetheless.
Squaring both Chiron and Venus in Pisces as it turns retrograde, Saturn reminds us that old wounds sustained when we were most vulnerable can be the toughest to heal. We may harden against life, against others, against our self and our own feelings, all in an attempt to stay the course without enduring further pain. In the coming months we have the chance to reconcile the consequences of betrayal by others, lost love and the many disappointments that can make life hard to bear. But in doing so we may have to face the hardest truth, that betrayal of the self inflicts the greatest wound of all. As such, it comes in many forms, from a refusal to recognise our inherent worth – instead remaining locked in a self-critical and punishing mindset – to avoidance of fulfilling our potential for fear of the pit-falls and challenges that lay on the path of awakening. Saturn retrograde demands sustained and honest enquiry into why and how we sabotage ourselves, fall short of our goals and preach one thing whilst doing another. For only through such understanding can we chart the course forward into the realisation of deeper, more resonant desires.
In the coming months we can discern how to use our gifts, skills, knowledge and wisdom effectively. We can learn more about what stops us from doing so, the petty things we allow to distract us from what matters, our lack of discipline or unwillingness to do the work needed to manifest our dreams. Saturn delivers nothing on a golden platter as we lounge upon a velvet bed! Its rewards are hard won and earned through commitment, patience and application of the whole self to the job at hand. A hard taskmaster for sure, but also a fair one, and efforts made produce commensurate results.
So if our efforts are failing to deliver the goods, it’s a sure sign that something is out of alignment or our timing is off. Saturn retrograde will help us get to grips with timing, application of attention and patience with the process of creative change. It asks of us commitment to the journey and a willingness to do what needs to be done, rather than fantasising a changed world whilst doing all we can to sustain the old one!
Sarah Varcas
astro-awakenings.co.uk