When talking to clients who are
preparing to make big life changes, especially those who are kind
hearted, gentle, forgiving, and compassionate empaths (which includes
many of you), they will inevitably say that they don’t want to
disappoint someone in their life. It can be disappointing to someone who
is very connected to us and who counts on us and our presence in their
lives to have that suddenly disappear. But are they really
disappointed, in the real sense of the word, or just inconvenienced
because now what they depended on you for has to be done by someone
else, or they have to do it themselves? Disappointment or inconvenience
— there is a huge difference that you should know so you make choices
that serve you and your intention from an empowered, guilt-free
perspective.
What is the difference between disappointment and inconvenience? For example, if I invited you to attend an event with me, was looking forward to spending time with you, thought that you would enjoy yourself, and knew that we would have a great time together, and you couldn’t go, I would be disappointed because I really wanted to spend time with you. But, if I had an invitation to an event, needed a date, asked you because I thought you would be available, and then you cancelled, I would be inconvenienced (but say that I was disappointed) because now I need to find someone else to go with me or go by myself.
The difference between the two has to do with connection, heart, and service. If the connection is truly heart felt, generous, energetically balanced, and compassionate, then there is disappointment when one person isn’t available. But when you look at connections and use words like “I have to” or “I should” or you can say ‘they will be disappointed’ and you know it’s because of what you do for them, not who you are in the relationship, then the lack of your presence and availability becomes an inconvenience that disappoints them, but it’s not a disappointment from an energetically balanced, heart-felt, generous perspective. To be rather blunt, you are inconveniencing them because you’re no longer dependable or available and now they have to find someone else.
It’s easy to take on healing roles in our relationships, and fall into our Martyred HealerTM roles before we’re aware that we have assumed many obligations and responsibilities where others are concerned. We may call it giving our power away but with our healing obligations we are grateful for the opportunity to be of service to others. But we need to ensure that we do so from compassion, and not pity, that we’re serving our own needs first and being self-ish, and we are happy, before we base our choices on whether or not someone is going to be disappointed by them, because that may not be the right word to use for their reaction.
How do you know whether someone is disappointed or inconvenienced by your choices?
Here are some key questions to ask yourself as you are making your choices:
Before engaging in pity exchanges with someone, remember that everyone is powerful in their lives and everyone has the same source of power. We use our power in different ways and allow ourselves to have a range of different amounts, but we all have exactly the same access to power because we all have the same source. And no one can ‘take’ our power away from us without our consent, whether we give it consciously or unconsciously.
So as you are considering your latest transformations and reviewing your choices and who is impacted by them, ask yourself whether you will be a source of disappointment or an inconvenience. And either way, make the choice that meets your needs, makes you happy, is the most fulfilling and self-ish use of your energy, and is aligned with your most powerful, joyful, expansive intention for your life.
What is the difference between disappointment and inconvenience? For example, if I invited you to attend an event with me, was looking forward to spending time with you, thought that you would enjoy yourself, and knew that we would have a great time together, and you couldn’t go, I would be disappointed because I really wanted to spend time with you. But, if I had an invitation to an event, needed a date, asked you because I thought you would be available, and then you cancelled, I would be inconvenienced (but say that I was disappointed) because now I need to find someone else to go with me or go by myself.
The difference between the two has to do with connection, heart, and service. If the connection is truly heart felt, generous, energetically balanced, and compassionate, then there is disappointment when one person isn’t available. But when you look at connections and use words like “I have to” or “I should” or you can say ‘they will be disappointed’ and you know it’s because of what you do for them, not who you are in the relationship, then the lack of your presence and availability becomes an inconvenience that disappoints them, but it’s not a disappointment from an energetically balanced, heart-felt, generous perspective. To be rather blunt, you are inconveniencing them because you’re no longer dependable or available and now they have to find someone else.
It’s easy to take on healing roles in our relationships, and fall into our Martyred HealerTM roles before we’re aware that we have assumed many obligations and responsibilities where others are concerned. We may call it giving our power away but with our healing obligations we are grateful for the opportunity to be of service to others. But we need to ensure that we do so from compassion, and not pity, that we’re serving our own needs first and being self-ish, and we are happy, before we base our choices on whether or not someone is going to be disappointed by them, because that may not be the right word to use for their reaction.
How do you know whether someone is disappointed or inconvenienced by your choices?
Here are some key questions to ask yourself as you are making your choices:
- Are you afraid to tell them about your choice because you know it’s going to result in a big drama or argument?
- Are you basing your choices on what you know someone expects from you to do or to be for them?
- Are you wondering how they will manage without you or do you feel responsible for some aspect of their life or have some kind of obligation towards them?
- Do you truly enjoy the time you spend together and are you really, truly happy in this relationship, or is it a lot of work that never seems to end, for you?
- Do you feel that you give more to that person than you receive, that you do more for them than they do for you, or that there is a lack of balance, energetically and emotionally, and you are at the unbalanced end?
Before engaging in pity exchanges with someone, remember that everyone is powerful in their lives and everyone has the same source of power. We use our power in different ways and allow ourselves to have a range of different amounts, but we all have exactly the same access to power because we all have the same source. And no one can ‘take’ our power away from us without our consent, whether we give it consciously or unconsciously.
So as you are considering your latest transformations and reviewing your choices and who is impacted by them, ask yourself whether you will be a source of disappointment or an inconvenience. And either way, make the choice that meets your needs, makes you happy, is the most fulfilling and self-ish use of your energy, and is aligned with your most powerful, joyful, expansive intention for your life.
Copyright (c) 2015
by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved. You may quote, translate,
reprint or refer to this message if you mention the author name and
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