One of the articles I wrote in a newsletter several years ago
was titled ‘Acting Your Age’ and it describes the somewhat unusual
situation many of us now into our 40s and 50s find ourselves in. We’re
nothing like our parents were at this age, we are healthier, look
younger, feel better and in many cases, are not winding down a career
we’ve had since we became adults. Rather, we’re either looking for work,
starting a business, or trying to figure out what we’re going to do
with ‘the rest of our life’, which could be a substantial number of
years.
I don’t know about you but I’m planning to live well into my 90s, so rather than look at retiring, I’m considering how I’m going to stay busy for the next 40 or so years.
And I hope that I look and feel great while that is happening because I’m ready to start living, to be happy and to have some fun, since the last 40 years have definitely not been very much fun, at least not those that I remember.
Like many of my generation, I barely remember my 20s and 30s. Not because they were lived through a drug induced stupor (I have never taken drugs and don’t plan to start) but because I was so afraid, so unsure of myself, had so many doubts and struggled so much that most of my time was spent just trying to get from one day to the next. During that time I had children, several jobs and career paths, and did some things that I am quite proud of, as well as others that I regret. But for the most part, I remember those years as a terrible, dark struggle that never seemed to end.
I can look back at that person that I was with compassion for her fear and with detachment because I just don’t recognize her any more. Like many people with highly active, strong intuitive and empathic gifts I was busy saving others and the world, dealing with my and their emotional and psychic baggage, without the boundaries I needed to realize that I had choices to make and saying ‘no’ was one of them.
I don’t regret that journey at all, partly because I don’t remember much of it although I do remember some of the particularly painful aspects, especially a few that I thought were ‘game over’ moments for me. And I remember exactly how I stumbled onto that path and then spent years not realizing that a single choice would get me off of it. I would do it all again but next time I’d bring less baggage.
I would be less afraid of what others thought about me, my life and my actions and remind myself that ‘what others think of me is none of my business.’
I would love myself a LOT more and worry much less about whether others loved me.
I would be more willing to take a chance on myself and not wait for others’ approval before stepping into my own power and greatness.
I would learn to say ‘no’ and mean it, especially when saying ‘yes’ meant committing myself, time, energy, resources and life to resolving someone else’s life issues or doing things I didn’t want to do, for reasons that were not relevant to me, and that were not important in my life.
I would have strong boundaries, not to keep others out but to ensure that my time and energy were being used in ways that best served me. As the saying goes, ‘put your oxygen mask on first before you help the person next to you with theirs.’ I would make sure that my oxygen mask was in place and working, before I tried to convince someone else that they needed one too.
I would definitely let others make their own choices, whatever they were, without judging them because it’s not my place to do for them what I don’t think they’re capable of doing for themselves.
I would remember that the only thing that keeps me alive each moment is my ability to breathe and make sure that I did that fully, mindfully, consciously and with purpose.
I would finish what I started because I believed in myself, and get rid of the doubt, fear, confusion and criticism that I used to second guess myself.
Everyone has baggage and we all come into a lifetime with issues to resolve and changes to make. We can live our life through karma, where we do what we have always done and get the same result, or we can live through creation, where we do everything differently and the outcome is a surprise. Is it good or bad? What does that mean? Every situation has both good and bad, depending on our perspective. A great relationship is good until it breaks up, then it’s bad. A wonderful job is good until it becomes so stressful we can’t cope, then it is bad.
We can waste a lot of time focusing on the good and bad, regretting the past and wishing that we had done things differently. But the only reason we can look back is because we are at this place, which our path has brought us in this moment. Instead of looking back at the past, we can consider the journey we are on right now and what led us to this place, this space, and this point. Where did we end up, what did we learn, how much smarter, wiser, more confident and powerful are today because of the path we took? And we can also remember that we learn from experience and the things we know to avoid today are those that have burned us in the past. In the words of my favorite poet, Maya Angelou, “You did what you knew to do then. When you knew better, you did better.”
Would I do it again? You bet, but this time I’d pack less baggage, ask more questions but not question myself, and remember to breathe life into my life and to do those things that bring me joy. What can you do better today because you know better – you know yourself, life, your potential and possibilities but most of all, because you love yourself and know that whatever journey you are on, there are always choices to do something different and step forward on a new journey, baggage free.
I don’t know about you but I’m planning to live well into my 90s, so rather than look at retiring, I’m considering how I’m going to stay busy for the next 40 or so years.
And I hope that I look and feel great while that is happening because I’m ready to start living, to be happy and to have some fun, since the last 40 years have definitely not been very much fun, at least not those that I remember.
Like many of my generation, I barely remember my 20s and 30s. Not because they were lived through a drug induced stupor (I have never taken drugs and don’t plan to start) but because I was so afraid, so unsure of myself, had so many doubts and struggled so much that most of my time was spent just trying to get from one day to the next. During that time I had children, several jobs and career paths, and did some things that I am quite proud of, as well as others that I regret. But for the most part, I remember those years as a terrible, dark struggle that never seemed to end.
I can look back at that person that I was with compassion for her fear and with detachment because I just don’t recognize her any more. Like many people with highly active, strong intuitive and empathic gifts I was busy saving others and the world, dealing with my and their emotional and psychic baggage, without the boundaries I needed to realize that I had choices to make and saying ‘no’ was one of them.
I don’t regret that journey at all, partly because I don’t remember much of it although I do remember some of the particularly painful aspects, especially a few that I thought were ‘game over’ moments for me. And I remember exactly how I stumbled onto that path and then spent years not realizing that a single choice would get me off of it. I would do it all again but next time I’d bring less baggage.
I would be less afraid of what others thought about me, my life and my actions and remind myself that ‘what others think of me is none of my business.’
I would love myself a LOT more and worry much less about whether others loved me.
I would be more willing to take a chance on myself and not wait for others’ approval before stepping into my own power and greatness.
I would learn to say ‘no’ and mean it, especially when saying ‘yes’ meant committing myself, time, energy, resources and life to resolving someone else’s life issues or doing things I didn’t want to do, for reasons that were not relevant to me, and that were not important in my life.
I would have strong boundaries, not to keep others out but to ensure that my time and energy were being used in ways that best served me. As the saying goes, ‘put your oxygen mask on first before you help the person next to you with theirs.’ I would make sure that my oxygen mask was in place and working, before I tried to convince someone else that they needed one too.
I would definitely let others make their own choices, whatever they were, without judging them because it’s not my place to do for them what I don’t think they’re capable of doing for themselves.
I would remember that the only thing that keeps me alive each moment is my ability to breathe and make sure that I did that fully, mindfully, consciously and with purpose.
I would finish what I started because I believed in myself, and get rid of the doubt, fear, confusion and criticism that I used to second guess myself.
Everyone has baggage and we all come into a lifetime with issues to resolve and changes to make. We can live our life through karma, where we do what we have always done and get the same result, or we can live through creation, where we do everything differently and the outcome is a surprise. Is it good or bad? What does that mean? Every situation has both good and bad, depending on our perspective. A great relationship is good until it breaks up, then it’s bad. A wonderful job is good until it becomes so stressful we can’t cope, then it is bad.
We can waste a lot of time focusing on the good and bad, regretting the past and wishing that we had done things differently. But the only reason we can look back is because we are at this place, which our path has brought us in this moment. Instead of looking back at the past, we can consider the journey we are on right now and what led us to this place, this space, and this point. Where did we end up, what did we learn, how much smarter, wiser, more confident and powerful are today because of the path we took? And we can also remember that we learn from experience and the things we know to avoid today are those that have burned us in the past. In the words of my favorite poet, Maya Angelou, “You did what you knew to do then. When you knew better, you did better.”
Would I do it again? You bet, but this time I’d pack less baggage, ask more questions but not question myself, and remember to breathe life into my life and to do those things that bring me joy. What can you do better today because you know better – you know yourself, life, your potential and possibilities but most of all, because you love yourself and know that whatever journey you are on, there are always choices to do something different and step forward on a new journey, baggage free.
Copyright (c) 2014
by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved. You may quote, translate,
reprint or refer to this message if you mention the author name and
include a working link to http://enlighteninglife.com